Proven Tips to Keep the Best Surprise of Her Life a Secret

Introduction

So you’re ready to pop the big question. Maybe you’ve already got an engagement ring. Maybe you even know the how, when, and where of the proposal. But, sure as Murphy’s Law, there are a million little things that can spoil the surprise prematurely.

So to help keep your engagement secret a secret, we’ve distilled decades of professional and personal experience into 10 essential tips. Because a truly unforgettable proposal leverages the element of surprise from start to finish.

How Keep Her Engagement Ring a Secret

Just Zip It!

This is one of the most difficult rules for guys to follow. Let’s face it—as the time approaches, you’re both excited and nervous. And what do excited and nervous people have in common? They love to talk.

One of the best tips we can offer—sourced from a pool of painful experiences—is to keep your mouth shut. Like airtight shut. It’s tempting to spread the good news, but it’s more important to be patient. Remind yourself that everyone will know soon enough. And, in the meantime, consider that more people who know increases the chance of a slip up.

Of course, this tip is more pragmatic than puritanical. It’s alright to share the news with a handful of your closest people. But try to stick to those who can act as accomplices or alibis. People actively involved in the process are more likely to hold their tongues.

Keep It Far, Far Away

One of the best ways to keep an engagement ring a secret is to make sure it’s far, far away. While you don’t have to ship it to a remote island in the South Pacific, you should at least keep it out of the house. A trusted friend or family member will do. Better yet, ask your jeweller to keep it until the time comes. This way you know it’s safe and insured.

Not only will this eliminate the chances of her accidentally (or, let’s face it, deliberately) “stumbling upon it”, but you won’t be tempted to spoil the surprise by proposing on a whim.

Master the Conversational Art of Topic Switching

If you plan on proposing, there’s a good chance that you and your partner have spent some time (OK—a lot of time) discussing marriage. This means you need to be extra vigilant when the topic inevitably arises. The last thing you want to do is drop a surprise-shattering hint.

While your intuition might be to avoid the marriage topic altogether, consider that this will also raise red flags. Instead, master the art of topic switching. This doesn’t mean abruptly changing the subject to sports or politics or movies every time she utters a trigger word.

Rather, give her space to express herself and then gently steer the topic away from the danger zone. Keep the conversation brief and light and never initiate it yourself. Be resourceful: Use any opportunity to change the subject, whether it’s an adorable puppy passing by on the street or a semi-related tangent.

For instance, if she mentions that early-May is the perfect month for a wedding, take her on a conversational detour by wondering whether the expression “April showers bring May flowers” holds any scientific truth or if it just happens to rhyme. You know—that sort of thing...

Marriage? Who Cares!

She does. And you do. But she can’t know that. The idea here is to downplay the importance of marriage. Not too much, of course (you don’t want to actually convince her). Instead, insinuate that there are simply other priorities. Maybe it’s mortgaging a house. Maybe it’s starting a family. Or maybe it’s buying a used van on Kijiji, refurbishing it, and starting a #vanlife. Whatever.

This requires some degree of finesse to avoid coming off as that-dude-who-got-cold-feet. Remember, the goal isn’t to zealously dump on the institution of marriage; it’s using nuance to imply that there are more important things to work towards at the moment.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

It’s not unusual to spend a few weeks hiding her engagement ring. In that time, there’s a 100% chance that you and your soon-to-be fiancée will find yourselves in the presence of a jeweller’s. And there’s no better reminder that you still haven’t proposed than a gorgeous display of extravagant diamond rings.

So, whenever possible, avoid shopping malls with jewellery stores. By physically avoiding these types of trigger locations, you can circumvent at least some of the spontaneous and unwelcome conversations.

Go Undercover

So far we’ve talked a lot about avoiding information drops, but what about gathering information? For this, you’re going to need to channel your inner James Bond (don’t act like you're not pumped). Be very careful when asking questions pertaining to ring size and style.

If you’re patient enough to play the long game, take the opportunity to ask little questions here and there when the topic arises naturally. Keep a record of all her likes and dislikes (preferably in your head, where it can’t be “accidently” discovered). Another method is to source your information indirectly; get her closest girlfriends to do your bidding by inquiring about certain aesthetic choices.

Leave No Trace

While the term paper trail may sound a little dated in our digital age, the point remains—don’t leave one! One of the biggest mistakes men make when shopping for an engagement ring is leaving clues. This can range from a crumpled receipt that “falls” out of your jeans on laundry day to a transaction made with a shared bank account.

Whether online or offline, make it a habit to dispose of any evidence. For instance, if you’re using a shared device, ensure you’ve first logged out of all her accounts. Using Incognito Mode in your preferred browser will also avoid storing cookies that can lead to targeted ads.

Only make purchases from your personal bank account and use cash whenever possible. Store any pertinent documents at the house of a trustworthy accomplice. Finally, hide your digital receipts in a disguised email folder that won’t send notifications to your phone. Or, create a new email altogether for just this purpose.  

Hone Your Alibi

As mentioned in our first tip (Zip It Up!), you should only share the good news with a handful of confidants. These confidants can help with the misdirection. Say you need to spend a couple hours perusing the jeweller’s for the perfect stone. Obviously, you can’t outright tell her. You’ll have to find a believable cover story instead. Some of the classics include: “Changing the oil with Steve”, “Helping your dad move some furniture”, and “Bird-watching with the Boy Scouts”.

Remember, an accomplice to your alibi is an insurance plan not worth neglecting. What happens when she calls Steve or Dad or the Boy Scouts and casually mentions the car or couch or chickadees. The long pause on the other end of the line is enough to raise her suspicions—in a bad way. Hone your alibi.

Box Swap

So you’ve finally made it to the big day. The plan is in motion and you’re doing an expert job at staying cool (minus some not-so-subtle sweat stains). But even this close to the finish line, you can’t let your guard down.

One last-minute giveaway that men often overlook is the sheer size of the engagement ring box in your pocket. One option is to carry it without a box. Another increasingly popular alternative is to store it in a discreet aftermarket box. Not only do these discreet boxes maintain your cover, they look very classy when bent on one knee.

Clear This Article From Your Browser History!

Now that you’ve made it to the end of the article, it’s time for some homework. As your first assignment, clear your browser history! But before you go, schedule an appointment with one of our Majesty Diamonds experts. Whether you’ve got half an hour to spare before your alibi grows dubious, or you simply want to store your engagement ring for safekeeping, we’re always here to help!